My thoughts as I process the first week of the Jepeca programme range from happiness and excitement to thoughts of sadness and frustration.
I am very happy and excited to meet new people who are embarking on a journey that will almost definitely change their lives. Listening to the challenges that these young people face I feel frustrated and sad because nearly 99% are man made. I really don’t for one minute think that those adults caring for these young people who have expressed sadness, anger, frustration, self-harming, suicidal thoughts, isolated, lonely, scared, frightened and low confidence mean for their actions to have such an effect, but unfortunately that is what has happened. And continues to happen…
During our first session we explore the various areas of the clients life, calibrate how they are coping with their life and identify the areas that they are struggling with. Some clients have no idea why they have been referred to us. It really doesn’t make any difference as we work on the client’s agenda and together we explore what is working and what is not! Then we can put a plan together that will address the needs of each client by tailoring the programme to incorporate their challenges and experiences.
If you are reading my blogs I am going to sound like an old broken record… stuck, repeating the same few lines over and over. The simple fact is that we have a pretty good idea from listening to our hundreds of clients what they want from their parents/guardians. It is simple but the ways in which each of these are to be incorporated into the lives of families are as unique as the family themselves.
The simple fact is that each child is born with everything they will ever need for this life. I was a midwife, and I have never delivered or seen an ugly baby or an evil baby so therefore this leads me to believe that they are a product of their experience and environment.
Why is it that many parents spend nearly the entire time they have with their children trying to change and mould them into their idea of what they should be, or what they should do!!! Believe me it is noted and not appreciated by young people. Celebrate the person they are and use your experiences and knowledge for guidance. Many put pressure on their children to ‘do better’ rather than ‘do your best’, be like ‘so and so’ rather than ‘be you’. Tell them they are good enough. They absorb and listen to everything you say – believe it or not!
Listen to how you talk to your children and be aware of the impact you have on the inside as well as the outside. Their body language will let you know that you have had an affect on the outside but their confidence and self-esteem will let you know how things are for them on the inside.
This week I hope that you get the opportunity to tell someone (young or old) that ‘they are good enough’, that they ‘do matter’, that they ‘are doing a good job’. Tell them that you have a little inside knowledge (which comes with age) and you are ready and willing to to help them reach adulthood in one piece and most importantly HAPPY. They will not let you down. Remind yourself daily that you are building the relationship you want to have with your child, then reflect, would you want to spend time with you if you regularly hear you are not good enough the way you are?
Thank you for listening… 🙂